Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
