I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
