How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
