Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
