anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize