I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
