We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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