ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
