i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
