Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
