yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize