Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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