Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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