you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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