People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
