if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
