He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
