we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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