This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
