just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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