i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
