my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
