i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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