There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
