she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize