i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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