i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
