margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
