it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
