He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
