Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
