So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
