I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
