fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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