I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
