HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
