Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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