he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
