She said her name was "party"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
