Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You are a genius and a whore.
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