apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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