meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
