Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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