I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my being single is dangerous.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Randomize
