i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
