FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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