Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize