I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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