everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
