I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
