I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
