if only i could text you this smell
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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