I am in a vortex of obligation.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
