I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
