I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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