Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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