Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
