I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize