Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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