just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
