Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
ttyl tear gas
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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