We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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