my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
