Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
