I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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