Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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