Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
