Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
