Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
