I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
