I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
