I accidentally had phone sex last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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