Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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