i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
