I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
