so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
