The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize