The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
