You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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