she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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