Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
