I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
