I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize