He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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