I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
