I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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