Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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