he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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