I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
