Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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