This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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