So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish life had little blips of pornography
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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