haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
