I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
