hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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