oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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