New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
