apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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