I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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