i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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