I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
