She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
