I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
