it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
