think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
