like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
