I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
