i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
